Hamburgers and Dr. Pepper

Anything we feel compelled to control already controls us.  Contemplate that.  We dress up our need to control in so many fancy ways.  We justify it and glorify it.  Responsibility issues may be at the bottom...responsibility for or refusing to take responsibility when it is appropriate.   

What are you controlling that is really controlling you.  When my grandmother died, I was 15.  I loved her.  She was one place where I not only felt safe, but I was allowed to be the child instead of an adult with adult responsibilities.  She was married to a very mean man, so when she died, I knew, even at that young age, that she was better off.  I remember saying at her funeral, "It would be selfish to want her back."   

What was controlling me was my grief over her loss.  And that grief controlled me for years in many strange ways.  When I was little and went to her house, it was fun.  The foods connected with the fun were: Dr. Pepper, homemade hamburgers, french fries, ice cream with chocolate sauce.  Later in life, anytime I needed to feel comforted, guess what I wanted.  Now, all of this was subconscious. 

Eventually, the truth came to me.  I was in a class for helping people cope with grief issues.  Guess what.  We had to face our own stuff.  Grannie died when I was 15.  I was 38 when I took this class.  When I allowed myself to feel this grief, I cried for hours.  It was not until I was in my forties that the connection was made between the grief and the food.  When that emotional connection was dealt with, the connection to Dr. Pepper was broken.  I did not even like the way it tasted.  Is that not amazing?   

Had I been trying just to change the behavior, I never would have gotten freedom.  Our behaviors are an indication of an emotional and/or spiritual situation.  I was being controlled by something that I did not understand, and it had nothing to do with food.  The symptom was the food. 

God is so good.  He knows why we do what we do.  It is like in the Garden of Eden when He asked Adam and Eve, "Where are you?"  Did He not know?  No, WE did not know why we suddenly felt shame and nakedness.  In our terror, we kicked into the fig leaf garment stage of things.  The same as the Dr. Pepper stage of things. 

His call "where are you" is our first hint that we really are not able to control that which is controlling us.  We need to have His help...and this comes in many forms and may take a while to accomplish...but He will give us new clothes in exchange for our fig leaf garments.   

I often meet people, who like me. think it would be wrong in someway to want "Grannie" back...that happiness we felt, it would be wrong to want that back, it would be selfish to want that back.  We get lost in all the stuff of that feel good experience (like food...either overeating or undereating.)  It is strange how I got lost in Dr. Pepper (drinking) and food became a non-issue.  I ended up with anorexia.   

Control issues are very subtle.  It is in our relationships with people and things that we can get our wake up call...God's voice saying: Where are you?