Trusting and TRIALS

We have daily trials.  We muddle through and even get to a position of praise. If not praise, then trust.  Then there are the TRIALS that just knock the wind out of us.  Sometimes we do not even know how we feel because we are numb.  Sometimes the cumulative effects of TRIALS can leave us so numb that we question if it is worth staying on the planet and finishing our assignment in Earth School.  I think that most of us know about the TRIALS.  They often come with truth encounters.  Sometimes, it feels like it would be better to remain ignorant.  Someone once said “ignorance is bliss.”  It is hard to write about this type of situation because there are not words to describe it adequately. 

Trapped—that may be the best word for it.  You are stuck with the stuff of your truth encounter.  It calls into question who you are, who other people are, what you believe now that you know what you have believed is a lie, and it leaves you in that place of being trapped and saying, “What do I do now?”  I cannot glamorize this process or spiritualize the process.  Trust issues are huge when you are in this place of trapped.  These TRIALS are too much!  What can anyone say?  It is like hearing someone say, “I know how you feel,” when they do not have a clue.  You enter into that cycle of grief that includes denial. 

Victimized is another word that works for TRIALS.  Even though truth encounters are meant to take you to freedom, on the front end of the cock’s crowing three times, we are devastated.  Like Peter, we throw ourselves on Gethsemane’s rock heart broken.  Then we give up on ourselves and everything else and hide in something comfortable.  For Peter, it was fishing.  For each of us it is probably something different.  The main thing is how tired a person can feel with the release of all this emotional energy.  These clearings even have physical effects. 

Reality.  Let’s see—what are the choices?  Sometimes, the fog is too thick.  We cannot see the choices.  And sometimes the choices we can see, we do not like.  Often, they seem to take too much energy to embrace.  Perhaps that is a part of the healing process, too.  Some things you cannot have a plan.  There is no plan for a way out.  It is a matter of getting through it one day at a time.  One day in the distance, we wake up one morning and realize that it is ok to be on the planet and maybe we have the energy to make some choices.  We might even smile.  On that side, we may even be able to talk about grace.

I think that when God’s kids were victimized in the Garden of Eden, and He knew what was set in motion, and He knew of all the emotional trauma that they would experience (emotions that He never intended they know), He looked into the distance of time and saw that when we all come out of the fog, we will be able to see the choices and be able to sing about that amazing grace.  This is what I am trusting.  When we cannot feel the Father’s hand on us, we can trust His heart towards us.